Developing Spirituality In Your Children

One of the core values of my life is to raise my children with the faith that I share with my husband and with which I was raised. Being Catholic is actually a fraction of the spiritual ratio. Having "faith" is the biggest piece of my spiritual life. Most people think of Catholicism as a lot of sit and stand, non-emotional, 'heavy-on-the-rules' type of religion. But for me, my faith is what has given me wings in many parts of my life and the courage to dare, to tread, and to nearly drown (but, alas survive). Without my faith, I do not believe that I would have had the wear-with-all to face great adversity, slim odds or major disappointments.

My point is this: no matter what, giving your children the foundation of religion with a heavy emphasis on faith is like a gift that gives in perpetuity. Children are the best receivers of faith: they believe the unseen. A child's level of thinking is on a higher realm in certain ways than adults, as they understand, embrace and believe theoretically beyond the here and now, the literal world. They do not share the skepticism that we have as adults. They are open, honest and forthcoming (sometimes to a fault, especially if you ask them if you look fat in your jeans). Children can also be clairvoyant too, in their sense of integrity and honesty; any hint of another's broken promise is taken very seriously. These concepts of faith, honesty and integrity are like a fertile field waiting to be seeded- the harvest of which will be a future of conscious thought and deliberate action, full of goodness and love.

I realize that I have had the benefit of a Mother uber committed to faith, and determined to instill habits that I now carry on to my children. For my readers who have not had the benefit of my Mother, here are some things that I do with my children to grow their faith, all of which I give full credit to my Mom...(I would also like to preview saying I am far from a good Catholic, but I try, all prayers for my eternal soul are welcome...)
1. Mommy and Daddy may not know but God does...
This is the concept that He is watching even if we are not.

2. Jesus is your friend, loves you, forgives you no matter what.
How many people do you know beat themselves up forever over something they have done...enough already...

3. You are very very special.
I talk about the Angels and the Saints, and how they all decided what kind of baby they were going to send Mommy from Heaven, and they picked out all the special qualities and I name each one...My Mother says "Every hair on your head is counted by God, he knows you from the tip of your head, to the tip of your toes.." I love that one too...

4. Pray pray pray and then pray some more.
We pray on the way on a trip, before a game, before dinner. I love to pray on the way to school, as we thank God for the beautiful day, or the rain for the trees who are so thirsty, and all our blessings and our family and our education, and for all the little children who can't go to school...(This one is great on Monday mornings.)

5. Go to Mass
A church, Synagogue, Mosque will work. But when you put an hour or so a week on the top of the priority list it tells your children that God is important, and so is your family, it's your time, and no one else’s. Protect it and covet it. Don't let anything or anyone encroach on your Sunday.

6. Be Generous.
To everyone, your family, your friends, strangers. Generosity comes in many forms in our lives, my favorite being kindness and forgiveness.

7. Watch Your Actions.
Not swearing etc. is a given, but I work very hard to "channel Jackie Kennedy" (which is a another blog) when things happen in front of my children. Someone flipped me off on the way to school the other morning- yes at 7:45 am, and actually told me to &*ck myself...I blessed her through grit teeth and kept my choice words to myself- that was a hard one.

8. Love Everyone.
My children, at one time, asked me how come some people are different religions, my answer of course "God loves everyone...." That is so easy. They don't ask anymore. Pray for your enemies, they need it, a lot.

9. Teach Forgiveness and Reconciliation.
How many people are you not talking to? How many people are you holding a grudge against? Your children will notate and file away for a later date when they can repeat this behavior...toward you. Forgive and forget. That doesn't mean expose yourself to unhealthy negative people (another blog). It means forgive them. The concept of reconciliation is such an incredible gift every child should have. If you can stand before another, confess, ask and accept forgiveness, you can achieve great things. Every child should be imparted carefully with this concept.

10. God Wants the Best For You.
The concept that God wants the best for you, Jesus is looking out for you etc., gives your child an optimistic attitude for the future. I am always reminded of the six year-old boy that hid in the latrine at Auschwitz and was discovered by American soldiers when the camp was liberated. Some would say he lived in feces, others would say he survived supreme odds of certain death. Optimism is a key component to giving and receiving abundance and success. Goodness is rewarded.


This turns out to be much more than I had wanted to share, but I tell you with my heart that I wish many people were raised with even some of these ideals, so I take this time to thank my Mother, her Mother and her Mother before her.

Colleen Shields is an author, producer, host and mother. To read more blogs and see her videos, log onto http://www.themomtastics.com.

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10 Ways to Unspoil Your Child

One of the great concerns of my life is that my children grow to be rigorous, ambitious, and resourceful adults. I find myself frequently concerned over this issue. My own sense of dogged determination came out of the survival skills I learned being the youngest of six children. I am acutely sensitive to my own family's interpretation of this, however, when you are one of many, any attitude or gesture short of "I MUST HAVE", means you will not receive. I learned quickly how to maneuver through group situations to get what I needed, when I needed it. 'The squeaky wheel' is only one of many tactics which I mastered early in life. I have no regrets about being from a large family; to the contrary, I loved it (and still do). I also believe that these early years were vital to my future, as my sense of "Oh Yes I Can", carried me to a full scholarship to college . I felt early in my life that if I wanted something, I had to get it myself.

Which brings me to my great concern for my children. My own sense of determination transcends to the welfare of my children. I am determined to make certain that each of their needs are met. Sometimes when people ask me what I "do", I answer "I get four children dressed, fed, to school on time , with papers signed, healthy lunches made, picked up to practice from practice, with homework done, dinner fed, bath, read to, with clean- proper clothing, prayers 3 times a day and always always teeth brushed." I do do do. I do so much I wonder if they will ever become hungry with determination. Will they ever push themselves, or will I always be the one pushing them? My mother didn't have to push me; I pushed her to drive me to agents, auditions, performances. She was (and is) always supportive, but her concern was protecting me from myself and those creepy people who lurk around the entertainment industry.

So the question becomes: how do you get your children to want, when they want for nothing? I am reminded of President Teddy Roosevelt's quote and one of my favorites:

"It is far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt, "The Strenuous Life"

Perhaps my children do not need to 'want' in order to become great people. Perhaps understanding that success (in any form) takes discipline and dedication. Perhaps their mother and father's commitment and love for them will give them confidence to push through the inevitable challenges of life. Perhaps they will honor their own privilege by dedicating their lives to those who have nothing. Perhaps...

I hope it works, and welcome any suggestions. In the meantime, I continually remind them of their unique American life- a home, a family, an education, a wii...these are things that many people do not have. The other thing they do not have is a mother who is dedicated, (Mom you are annoying me, don't kiss me in the parking lot), caring (Mom you are so mean making me wear a coat in the winter), and most of all, completely obsessed with their well being (I'm taking my bike two houses down why do I have to wear a helmet?) So they should be thankful, grateful, and humble. (As I should be too, for being SUCH a good mom to my little monsters, oh I mean my little darlings)....in the meantime I will pray for their future and hope their dogged determination includes keeping mommy happy with lots of appreciation.

Below are a few more ideas that I am considering...Note: Unspoil your children AT YOUR OWN RISK!

1. Make their own lunches.

2. Remove all but the canned food from the pantry.

3. Hide the can opener.

4. Do their own laundry.

5. Go camping, (in a tent).

6. Replace the house phones with the round dial kind/Hide the cell phones.

7. Tell them to organize their "ride home" from practice.

8. Hide most of their clothes, and give them some of your husbands hand-me-downs.

9. Remove all the batteries from the house, including all hand held remotes.

10. Disconnect the cable/internet.

For more blogs, vlogs, articles, and videos, go to http://www.TheMomtastics.com. Colleen is a writer, producer, host, and mommy living in Annapolis with her husband and four children.

The Miracle of Alex

It should be a given that I write on Mother's Day, right? Because after all, I have a blog on motherhood. But I just couldn't do it. It seemed not like there were no words at that time that could express how I felt about mothers, about my mother, about my grandmother, and about my own experience as a mother- my own appreciation for my children, for the opportunity, the gift and the incredible importance of mothers in our world. What I told my closest friends on Mother's day is this, "To all my fav moms, Happy Mother's Day, your love keeps the globe on its axis." It's monumental beyond words, and certainly beyond my words. On to Alex...

I promised you I would write about my little miracle Alex. On Cinco De Mayo, we began the latter part of the day with a great sense of celebration, and my very good husband whipped up some excellent strawberry drinks and margaritas. I ran out to the grocery store because at the time, the most pressing part of the evening was that the BBQ chicken salad needed black beans and corn (courtesy, again, of "Shields Management" as we call him..) As I was leaving the parking lot of the store, I had a feeling that I would arrive at home to the announcement that we must leave for the E.R. immediately. I shushed myself, thinking that because I am rarely away from my children, I am purely paranoid. When I arrived home, I found that our youngest son, Alex, who is 4 years old, had fallen on the crown of his head from about 8 feet high on a swing. "He's fine; he's got to be fine" I said to myself. But he wasn't fine; he was lying on the floor, white as a sheet, beginning to go to sleep. My world started to go black.

I could hardly speak. I couldn't breath, and I nearly lost consciousness. Here I am, the girl who only a week before insisted that her friend "snap out of it" when she had fear of a diabetes diagnosis with her son (the diagnosis was correct). Yet in my son's most dire moment of need, I was absent. They were busy trying to keep him awake, talking to him, begging him to stay awake until the ambulance arrived. I started to pace, trying desperately to stay conscious.

The EMT explained to me that Alex would be flown to John's Hopkins Medical Center, in Baltimore, which is about 30 miles from our home. I was still silent. She looked at me and said "Okay?" I said the words I will never ever forget, "I picked him up." "What?" she said, "I picked him up, I shouldn't have picked him up, but I saw him lying there and I picked him up." I had envisioned that he did suffer a spinal injury, and I did the one thing you are never supposed to do: I picked him up. When I did this he screamed "My neck ow ow my neck, Mommy my neck hurts." This was just after I had come in the door, and when we laid him back down, he started to pass out again.

The EMT said, "You need to get some clothes on now, okay?" I was still in a bathing suit and a cover-up from a beautiful day at the beach. I ran upstairs, and an incredible thing happened. It was like the part in "Wonder Woman", when she whips into another outfit and she is, well, wonder woman. I came downstairs and said "Alex, we are going on a great adventure." And thankfully, I was able to carry this upbeat attitude all the way till the moment they said, "Has anyone gone over the CT scans with you?" "No," I said, knowing that this could be the most pivotal moment of our lives, "They are negative, they show no signs of damage." My knees buckled and I collapsed in tears.

I'm always touting how these moments, these other moments, that are small and seem trivial give me peace and comfort. They speak to me like it's God himself telling me to calm down, to slow down, to be present, to appreciate these gifts that are constantly being presented to me. However, I never expected to experience this moment of such potential tragedy- and receive this gift of gratitude for the miracle of Alex. He embodies so much of what I wish to share; he's so full of happiness and joy. Today he dressed himself in jeans, his "cool" tee shirt, a plaid matching hat (sideways), and to top it off, he had neatly placed a little tiny bottle of antiseptic gel in the pocket of his shirt. (He detests germs, and insects). "Okay Mom, I am weady fora school now, wets go." I believe that every day I have with Alex is a gift, a miracle and his rambunctious spirit is my constant reminder.

In our house we celebrate big days for week; one day is never enough to say how much we appreciate a birthday, for example. I hope that all of you moms take this week, appreciate your family- your love- your gifts. In the end, it's not about how much they appreciate you, it's really how much you appreciate them- because they are the gift, and the love that boomerangs back lasts forever. Your children are your reward- and with out your love for them, the globe would surely stop spinning on its axis.

Colleen Shields is writer, producer and actress. Her blogs, vlogs, newsletter and videos can be found below.

http://www.themomtastics.com
@momtastic
http://www.youtube.com/colleenshields
http://www.hometownannapolis.com

"9/11 Catastrophe Avoided"..And Near Misses

Many of you know that our youngest son, (4 yrs old) was flown to John's Hopkins Medical Center for a potential spinal cord injury. Obviously this event is one of the most pressing moments of catharsis in my life, however, I feel the perspective is demanded from the events leading up to this...I will write tomorrow on Alex and his miracle.

It's amazing sometimes what Life demands, what it expects and what it reveals. Saturday started in a beautiful way, with our second son receiving his First Holy Communion. Holy it was. Full of excitement and little boys in blue blazers and girls in little white dresses and every one of them thinking about how to recite their prayers and fold their hands, when to kneel and when to stand and most of all to behave and remember they are in a very special, Holy moment. All eyes were on them, many of whom had flown in from afar, wide eyed at the innocence and sense of earnest good from these children: perfect for a moment in time. I tried to revel in this space, to breath in the energy, to digest the 1000 people standing together to be closer to God, to each other, beyond ourselves and our lives. It was truly a perfect moment.

But when it was over, it was over. We headed off immediately to New York City, to hear our oldest son play piano at Carnegie Hall with the American Protege Competition. Before we left however, we insisted that my parents join us, much to their consternation. It wasn't as though they didn't want to go; quite the opposite, they very much wanted to go. However, they didn't think that Mom particularly, was up to the trip. New York is for walkers- not my mother's strong point at the moment. But we talked about it, and finally it was decided that they would join us. Up the Jersey Turnpike we went. Up up up, rush rush rush. We refreshed and rushed some more, in and out of trains, fussing with tickets, leading our little pack of three generations, all in suits and ties and dresses, under and in, over and on busy trains with people of all shapes and sizes mostly surviving the tough city life.

The concert was truly incredible, especially at the moment that I realized these children (these other children) were world-class- who literally could have stepped into the shoes of any concert pianist. That's when the fear of God crept inside me and camped out. "What have I done to my son???", I thought to myself. He's good, yes, but world-class? Mind-blowing? A master of piano at the level of Elton John, but MUCH better??? NO! I thought I would hyper-ventilate, or run, grab my son, thank him for coming on the trip, and practicing 5 times a day and tell him we just had to leave, for, um, well- just because. Right now! Before it's too late!

Except there was only one small problem- we were in the front row! Also my red heals and 5 of us were not inconspicuous... So I sat, painfully, taking shallow breaths as each little prodigy crossed the stage and commanded the piano...

Slowly but surely, the skill level of the children came down from the stratosphere. Very slowly. They were now very good, and I was beginning to regain color in my face...

It was Christian's turn. I held my breath, nearly passed out, and prayed. He did wonderfully (what I can remember as I am completely blank on the first piece). He smiled bowed dutifully and then bowed again, and then again. When I asked him if he was nervous, he quickly responded "No," as he cocked his head side ways as if to imply "Why?"

After the concert, we all felt like we had run a 5K in 3 inch heals at night, and everyone was ready for bed, but I INSISTED we go to Time Square. My poor parents, eyes widened as if to say "You have nearly killed us, is that not enough?" And then they did the thing that we, as parents do, they said "Okay honey, if you really want to go," and I said "Absolutely, you will never forget it!" Boy, was I right.

When we arrived in Time Square, we headed toward the Marriott Marquis. But there was some commotion...lots of police cars arriving...people standing there, confused, watching, waiting. We thought nothing of it, and continued to map our plans. It finally occurred to us that perhaps there is a real problem- well yes there was, if you count an attempted bombing. We quickly exited the area, said a few Hail Mary's on the subway and dragged ourselves home.

The next day upon seeing the World Trade Center site, along with its Memorial museum, the near miss of our lives became all too real, too familiar, as the decidedly different outcome of our trip sank in. We felt like we were standing in a place looking at our souls, like it was so easily us, in that moment, gone from this world in one obliterated second. It was shocking and disturbing and deeply moving; we had evaded death by the hand of a miracle. We thought the most challenging part of our trip would be the pure act of getting from here to there, that perhaps walking from block to block would just take it all out of us. Little did we know that what we thought of as a moment of inconvenience would stare us in the face as if looking into a mirror of the past: "The Time Square Disaster That Wasn't." It was as though there were voices of what could have been, but sadly, of what was. The museum is largely family members' mementos of those killed. It's their "Lost" pictures, their personal photos of World Trade Center, their lives, their pain. On this quiet Sunday, and the 'hole' that exists like a quiet whisper of tragedy that stretched before us hissed what we missed, what we gained, and where we were going...a future of promise, of hope, of long walks in painful shoes, moments of bliss and, hopefully, the miracle of missing tragedy within a moment. I just wish there was a "9/11 Catastrophe Avoided" headline that I could always remember, that I clipped out, put aside in "special" folder and came across, like this day, one which I am so thankful to remember, and I will never forget.

For more blogs, vlogs, video tips and information, log on to http://www.themomtastics.com