When I think of summer, I recall it in events, feelings, sights, sounds and smells. I remember the magic of summer as a child, the feeling as though the day may never end, that anything is possible, that life just cannot get any better than that moment in time- swimming in the river for hours, floating- with my ears just under the cool water of the Severn, listening to the fish, and crabs tick ticking at each other, watching the clouds above me swirl in and out of different shapes as though performing, just for me. I remember the feeling of independence as I walked along the path at night, in the pitch black, giggling with my friends- bubble gum, sunburn, the smell of Solarcain, the sound of crickets, the fireflies, the feeling that I was on my own, going into new territory, on a long sweet night. I remember the beach and the endless hours building elaborate castles, with windows and trees, and motes. I remember trying to sleep with a simple sheet, sticky listening to the tree's leaves as though they were talking and soothing me to sleep. There were no cell phones, no email, no internet, no air conditioners, no DVD players and barely television. It was pure, simple, magic, with daring days on boats with storms rolling down the river, night-time swims, meetings on the fifth tee of the golf course, and long summer dances- barefoot, always. I feel like summer is when I learned about who I am, I tested my boundaries, and dared myself to push further than I knew, further than I thought I could.
I have spent a significant amount of time considering how I could possibly bring my children the magic experienced in my summers. Now that three out of four can swim, I feel as though my brain capacity has opened up a little to fill that former stress void that I had, being constantly afraid of drowning- one of my greatest fears. I feel that now, suddenly, making sure my children have a special, magical summer has become very relevant. I analyzed how it came to pass that I had these experiences...and this is my best solution, right now, today.
Here are ten ideas that I have come up with to help bring some of the magic to my childrens' summer:
1. Let Go of The Competition
Some people consider summer a chance to get their child "a step ahead of the competition". Relax. I can attest that my sense of adventure is more valuable than any extra lacrosse camp I ever would have received.
2. Stay Up Late
Night time is magical to children. It's a time they don't get to experience very much. Taking your children for a walk at night (some place safe), going for ice cream at night, taking them to a ball game at night, going to see the frogs in the river- these are all things that will give them a sense of excitement they do not normally experience.
3. Sleep In
Let the schedule go and relax.
4. Live Your Former 10 Year-Old Self
Remember when you were 10? What was exciting to you? Choose adventures and do them as a family. Going deep in the woods to find 'bones' may be the perfect adventure. Take out a canoe. Go paddle boating in Washington D.C. Go biking on the Eastern Shore. We go swimming in the evening. Tonight they went in their clothes. It's okay, it's a wet car, it'll dry.
5. Appreciate the Moment
There is no greater gift to a child than when his parents are able to give him love and be present with him in the moment. Train yourself to Live The Moment. We went boating recently, and I took it all in. My second son in his oversized life jacket, my baby boy with his dimpled fingers, my two little ones who still let me strip them bare naked in public out of wet bathing suits...the fact that they still want to curl up next to me like little kittens, and I know it will be over in flash, and they will just want the keys to my car.
6. Love, Love, And Love the Outdoors
Love your spouse, love your kids, love yourself. Take care of yourself at all times, and always bring healthy snacks, drinks, dry clothes, baby powder, sunblock, bug spray, lots and lots of towels, and always always exercise. Every day. Outside. Be outside as much as possible. I equate connecting to nature like to connecting to God, it's an immeasurable gift that will always give back, and your children can always access. When there is nothing left in the world (because the boyfriend is gone, the test score is low, the bank account is empty etc. etc.), there is and always will be, God and nature.
7. Give Them a Little Independence
As I walked along the path at night with my friends, I felt like I was flying solo across the Atlantic! I felt I had arrived! It was about a quarter of mile from my house to the 'clubhouse', and my grandmother's house was about half that distance. I had 5 siblings, about 15 or so cousins, and at least 4 uncles watching me at all times, I just didn't know it. So now, I let my 10 year old go with his cousins, for half hour increments. I let him walk home from the beach. I let him decide a few things that he hadn't in the past. I let him feel empowered.
8. Double Down the Downtime
Having 'nothing' to do is good for children in our overscheduled era. Let them come up with the 'something', even if its laying in the grass studying the clouds or digging for worms.
9. Bring On the Friends
Summertime was a very social time for me. Studies show that children who have a higher aptitude for socialization generally make more money, and consider themselves 'happier' in life as adults. Do what you can to integrate your children's friends into your life.
10. Share and Share Alike
Do you have a pool, a boat, a swing set, homemade lemonade? What do you have to share? What do you have that will bring joy to your children? I had an "Ice Cream Social" last week, just to kick off the summer. It couldnt' have been easier. We put out a bunch of toppings in disposable bowls, lots of ice cream and cones in my backyard and invited everyone over. We put on dance music, and the adults came with cocktails. The kids had an amazing time, and the adults had good time too. It was easy. Have punch and cookies with a blow-up pool. It's a party.
I recognize how incredibly fortunate I was a child to have what I had. But I think even without many of the privileges, the beauty of summer lies in these very simple things that anyone can do, living in any neighborhood, anywhere in the United States. Good luck and I wish each of you a magical summer with endless days and nights of happiness and wonder.
Colleen Shields is a writer, producer and host, and mother of 4 children. To read more blogs see her website at http://themomtastics.com or follow her on twitter @momtastic.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
10 Habits of Highly Successful Mothers
"Success" is an ambiguous term to me. How does one measure success? How does one define it? Is success how much money we have in our bank account? Is it how much we have accomplished in our professional life? Perhaps success is the amount of education we earned? Or maybe success is how bright our future paths are...Being first and foremost a mother (in addition to the others duties of my life), the concept of success is one I measure (most of the time), by the happiness and achievements of my children and husband, rather than myself. Looking at success through this lens can be a slippery slope; what if, perhaps, one's child goes through a naughty phase- does this make the mother unsuccessful? I think not. But, when your primary energy, time and commitment are targeted toward the health and well-being of those around you, measuring yourself to their achievement is inevitable. I carefully study successful people. Women who are able to achieve motherly success (i.e. their children are super in school, sports, arts and wonderfully behaved), in addition to professional success and marital success are truly captivating to me. I wonder what they think when they meet me, "This woman is crazy...why does she keep asking me questions...." Well, I am trying to learn learn learn. I love to listen to the little gold nuggets that people do not even know they possess. Little do they know that I grab each little nugget and keep it to review later...(Is that creepy?)
These are the top 10 Little Gold Nuggets of Success which I have carefully extracted from women all over the country:
1. Efficiency is key.
There are only 24 hours in the day for all of us. So how is it that some people simply get more done than others? They don't waste time doing things that someone else can do. When it's appropriate and the budget allows for it, bring in the reinforcements to do your mundane tasks to give you more time. Successful women schedule carefully and say no to anything that doesn't work in the schedule.
2. Plan longterm
Successful women anticipate the needs of the children, their husbands, their jobs, and the school picnic. The most successful women I know have their calendars mapped out for the year.
3. Don't sweat the drama
There is one thing that women from all generations and all parts of the world share, and that is drama. Sensitivity to everything that is said, goes on, and transpires will ruin even the most focused woman. Do not get involved in nonsense. (I even go so far as to avoid news during the workday so I am not distracted by natural disaster.)
4. Keep the children on the forefront.
You can be wildly successful with your career, but if you come home to a crying child because you were the only mother who didn't come for the Mother's Day Music Show you have had it. Staying on top of your child's basic needs and even the most trivial event is important. Schedule time with your child if you must. Create a day a week that is for your children and only them. Carve out time every day to spend real one-on-one time with them. Being in the same room doesn't count!
5. Stay connected to your husband.
If your marriage fails, your children's life will fall apart. Period. End of story. I'm not suggesting that you can't piece it back together again but it will take time and healing. Prevent it by staying focused on being connected to your spouse.
6. Don't overspend, overeat, overdrink
Keep a check on health, on your spending, on your social life. Inventory it weekly. If life spirals out of control in one of these areas, your entire life will suffer.
7. Commit
When your child is on a basketball team and wants to stay home to play with his friends, tell him no and remind him of his commitment to his team. He can play with his friends when he gets home. Committing and staying committed is a key strength to anyone who is successful at anything. Success takes hard work, which can only be achieved through commitment.
8. Say No
People who say yes to everything create an impossible scenario for success. Do not volunteer to be the homeroom mom if you are working 60 hours a week; you will be unsuccessful at work, home and school. People who recognize when they are maxed out are always appreciated for their gracious "no I'm sorry I am overcommited" statement. It's a gift to everyone around you when you say no, and bow out.
9. Baby Steps
Every major achievement is preceded by a series of very small achievements. You cannot achieve success without working these small accomplishments first, and then moving on.
10. Adapt and Change
Nothing is certain but change in life. As soon as you figure out how to take care of the baby, she's a toddler. As soon as you get on the preschool routine, it's on to reading readiness. As soon as you feel like you are on cruise control in your job, you are promoted. Life is everchanging, and our ability to adapt to that change, and show our children how to adapt to change will dictate our true success. At the end of the day, I do believe that success is largely in the eye of the beholder. As life changes our view of success will change with it, and hopefully our glass will remain half full.
Colleen Shields is a writer, producer and host with four children. For more vlogs, blogs, videos and information, check out http://www.themomtastics.com
These are the top 10 Little Gold Nuggets of Success which I have carefully extracted from women all over the country:
1. Efficiency is key.
There are only 24 hours in the day for all of us. So how is it that some people simply get more done than others? They don't waste time doing things that someone else can do. When it's appropriate and the budget allows for it, bring in the reinforcements to do your mundane tasks to give you more time. Successful women schedule carefully and say no to anything that doesn't work in the schedule.
2. Plan longterm
Successful women anticipate the needs of the children, their husbands, their jobs, and the school picnic. The most successful women I know have their calendars mapped out for the year.
3. Don't sweat the drama
There is one thing that women from all generations and all parts of the world share, and that is drama. Sensitivity to everything that is said, goes on, and transpires will ruin even the most focused woman. Do not get involved in nonsense. (I even go so far as to avoid news during the workday so I am not distracted by natural disaster.)
4. Keep the children on the forefront.
You can be wildly successful with your career, but if you come home to a crying child because you were the only mother who didn't come for the Mother's Day Music Show you have had it. Staying on top of your child's basic needs and even the most trivial event is important. Schedule time with your child if you must. Create a day a week that is for your children and only them. Carve out time every day to spend real one-on-one time with them. Being in the same room doesn't count!
5. Stay connected to your husband.
If your marriage fails, your children's life will fall apart. Period. End of story. I'm not suggesting that you can't piece it back together again but it will take time and healing. Prevent it by staying focused on being connected to your spouse.
6. Don't overspend, overeat, overdrink
Keep a check on health, on your spending, on your social life. Inventory it weekly. If life spirals out of control in one of these areas, your entire life will suffer.
7. Commit
When your child is on a basketball team and wants to stay home to play with his friends, tell him no and remind him of his commitment to his team. He can play with his friends when he gets home. Committing and staying committed is a key strength to anyone who is successful at anything. Success takes hard work, which can only be achieved through commitment.
8. Say No
People who say yes to everything create an impossible scenario for success. Do not volunteer to be the homeroom mom if you are working 60 hours a week; you will be unsuccessful at work, home and school. People who recognize when they are maxed out are always appreciated for their gracious "no I'm sorry I am overcommited" statement. It's a gift to everyone around you when you say no, and bow out.
9. Baby Steps
Every major achievement is preceded by a series of very small achievements. You cannot achieve success without working these small accomplishments first, and then moving on.
10. Adapt and Change
Nothing is certain but change in life. As soon as you figure out how to take care of the baby, she's a toddler. As soon as you get on the preschool routine, it's on to reading readiness. As soon as you feel like you are on cruise control in your job, you are promoted. Life is everchanging, and our ability to adapt to that change, and show our children how to adapt to change will dictate our true success. At the end of the day, I do believe that success is largely in the eye of the beholder. As life changes our view of success will change with it, and hopefully our glass will remain half full.
Colleen Shields is a writer, producer and host with four children. For more vlogs, blogs, videos and information, check out http://www.themomtastics.com
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