"Surviving Motherhood"- Friends Lost and Found

Colleen Shields is writer, actress, producer and mother. See her videos at . Colleen inspires mothers to reach their true true potential in the context of motherhood. I was sobbing… uncontrollably

. It was as though a release of years of hurt, heartache and disappointment just fell from my soul like a great thunderous storm rolling from my eyes. These were tears and sorrow that I didn’t even know I had stored somewhere in the recesses of my heart. You see, I was leaving behind a friend. I didn’t know, so many years ago, that this would be truly a unique friend. I didn’t realize that where I was at this young time in my life when we had become friends, would be temporary. I was able to give a part of myself that I don’t think I can do so easily anymore, or at least not for a long time. My dear dear friend. I was driving away from her. I didn’t know that over a decade ago, when I had her near, when I enjoyed her so much, and knew in my heart she appreciated me and loved me, that she would be so unique. I didn’t realize that first time I drove away that she would really be one of the only true friends that I would have. I didn’t know just how special that relationship would be. It was too much to conceive that we would part cities, part states and be worlds away, and that our friendship would not be able to bear the distance. And then came the babies…one after the other, after the other, after the other, and so forth. I thought, naively, that I will have more friends like her down the road, somewhere in the midst of motherhood. And then suddenly, almost by accident I finally got to see her again after so many years. I didn’t even contemplate it too much, I didn’t anticipate it like we do sometimes, when we have special occasions. It was like yesterday that we were all together, the four of us, her young husband and mine. Both of them were deep in graduate school, and both of us were starting our professional careers, or perhaps more appropriately, bringing home the bacon. We were thick as thieves, with no children, no mortgages, no money and few bills. We had apartments in the city and would spend Saturdays walking through antique stores and dining leisurely in sidewalk cafés in Philadelphia. Life was different. Simple. I look back now, as a mother of four children, with tremendous responsibility, with a big mortgage, big tuition, and the sense of constant awareness that I do the Right Thing at ALL times, lest the children will suffer, and I realize that I am not sure I could ever again cultivate the kind of friendship I did at that time. I may have to wait another 12 years perhaps, when my children are grown to again have the sense of freedom and the vulnerability to trust someone enough to let them into my world. I have wonderful friends now, truly caring and generous. They are kind and giving, but I cannot give the same of myself that I did then. I had the sudden realization, as we drove away, that I am not as generous with myself, and that the few times I have opened that door a bit wider than usual, I have been hurt- and it cut very deep. I can ill afford to waiver my feelings and emotions for fear I may lose my footing, which I desperately need to be able to care for the my children and my husband, or I could fall off the precipice of my life. It’s too difficult to cultivate, too time consuming, I have my husband, my children need me, I don’t have time, it’s too hurtful, what if she turns on me, what if she needs me too much, I can’t be needed anymore, I am too selfish, too mean….too….there are so many reasons I can’t have that kind of friend ever again! So, as we are driving away, and my sobs turn into double sobs, when you need two in breaths for every out, and I am sitting in my little puddle, I realize that this gift of my friend, is like an invitation from those silent friends of my past and my future, those I believed in that disappointed me, and those that I didn’t believe in, and didn’t realize were so unique- that I may never find them again. So dear friends, thank you for holding on, I promise I won’t let you out of sight again…even in the midst of your two greatest competitors, motherhood and my own insecurity.

"Hunger Games" Review- A Mom's Perspective

Parenting is a difficult task indeed- especially now-a-days,with sexting, Facebook chatting and "The Jersey Shore". When I learned about the concept of "The Hunger Games", I realized I was onto a whole new definition of 21st century parental treachery. I had been getting tremendous pressure from my older children- ages 12 and 9, to see the midnight premiere, and after weeks of begging, spontaneous cleaning and unsolicited offers to help mom, along with suggestions that I "needed to rest", I gave in. I agreed to take the older two to "The Hunger Games", at midnight no less. I admit that my inclination to give in to such effective manipulation was driven mostly out of the fact that this trilogy had accomplished a great feat with which I had formally failed to do effectively: it turned my children into passionate readers- the kind that sneak their flashlight under the blankets at night. The boys enjoy discussing and lamenting over the books and it's twists and turns. I figured this was a great opportunity to reward their new found love for reading and perhaps they would even engage me in conversation! Once I learned of the plot, I was horrified: the evil government, in an effort to maintain absolute control over society, creates and produces a reality show competition with 24 of its citizans, in which over the course of two weeks, they die one by one until a lone survivor is declared a winner. Absolutely disgusting, right? How could I in good conscience allow my children to be exposed to such an immoral and utterly despicable display of inhumanity? The problem: they had already been reading the series for almost 8 months- I was too late. I decided to proceed and keep an open mind. The style, look and feel of the movie- which I would define as a science fiction drama- was creative beyond imagination. According to the boys, it was true to the book and a perfect representation. The acting was superb and the writing quick and poignant. The flow and pace of the movie were spot-on- no one moved in the theater- not a single person. The anticipation and suspense was relentless. As an artist and (former) actress, I can, with some small measure of authority, say that the costuming, hair, makeup and overall styling was absolutely stunning. They were able to create a world of excess and debauchery among the "capital" players (the evil ones) in a visual way which I felt was believable. The style was futuristic, full of highly stylized lines in clothing full of bright colors, and various colored hair, with high contrasting makeup. The characters were almost cartoon like, yet the costumes had recognizable qualities not far from our own styles today (mini skirts and short waisted jackets). The capital players were set against a backdrop of sleek skyscrapers and high technology, with an art deco and sometimes retro feel- with antique props (microphone anyone?). The contrast to the poor "districts" with coal miners (won't we run out in 1000 years?) was effective, although the poor areas lacked some creativity in their representation. Now to the story- the utterly disgusting premise...this is the part where every mother cringes in fear of creating an axe murderer. Was there death? Yes. Violence? Yes. Gratuitious violence? No. Bad language? No. Sexual content? NO. This is a story of good and evil. The protagonists are forced, so to speak, to be participants in the hunger games. The crowd, (and thankfully my children) are rooting for them- that they get out alive, that they support eachother and fall in love. The children and rest of the audience recognize the evil for what it is, and that the participants are mainly victims of the government or the parents who raised them to be the killers they are. The children see the rich as evil, and the poor as the victims, and somewhere in the middle are those that are trying to help the victims, and they are, after all, victims themselves. So I would say yes, I recommend the movie for mothers, fathers, and children older than 8. It will be around a long time, and hopefully be a source of discussion into the larger issues of our real life unfolding around us. Colleen Shields is a mother, writer and producer of "Surviving Motherhood". See and hear her posts and insights at .